Devotion or Discipline?

It's that time again. Every new year (and solstice, equinox, new moon, Monday morning...) I resolve to be more disciplined. And every single time, I fail to become the smoothly functioning, well balanced, highly disciplined person I envision I should could be.

It begs the question - how many times am I going to repeat this exact same cycle before I do something differently? As a yoga teacher, I'm in the business of wake up calls. The word for teacher in Sanskrit is guru which translates as "dispeller of darkness". So let's flip on the light, roll out of this behavioral groove and wake the f*ck up!

I'll start with semantics. Part of the problem is the word itself DISCIPLINE. Have you ever noticed how that word makes you feel? It's got a negative vibe. And it harkens back to being grounded, chastised, BUSTED!

NO WIRE HANGERS - EVER!!!

It's hard to get excited about being more disciplined. It feels so austere, so dry biscuit. And there's an implication of authority, of imposition. That I should because it's expected of me, what I'm supposed to do. And then that starts to feel oppressive and shitty and I rebel and "fail" yet again.

DRY BISCUIT - BLECH

Discipline feels so limiting - I've determined that I fail at discipline because I'm afraid that being more disciplined will cause me to miss nectarian moments in life. And when I make the nectarian choice, I label those as indulgences, so very NOT disciplined.

This shit is getting old. So after the 108th failure to become more disciplined, I'm finally changing my tune. 

Here goes...

At its essence, what the discipline I seek truly entails is constancy of purpose. Aw, hell yeah, I like the sound of that!

HALLELUJAH!

Damn Gina! When I change the locution just a little bit, I finally see the light. Constancy of purpose requires DEVOTION. And that word makes me feel warm, capacious, juicy and empowered! 

Getting clear about what I'm devoted to in this one precious life and then aligning myself with that purpose requires effort I'm truly, deeply inspired to put forth, without reservation, hesitation or shame. To be fair, I don't think the discipline is bad. I think it's what we've culturally slathered on it and contained it in that makes it stink. And I don't think for a hot second that devotion will be free from effort or suffering. But that extraordinary effort now feels like it will come from a place of inspiration instead of self-flagellation and obligation.

Maria Montessori said that "Discipline must come through liberty..." And I think I finally feel liberated to resolve to be more devoted.

Happy New Year and good luck with those resolutions y'all!

Big love,
Gina

TASTE THE NECTAR