Your Darkness Is Shining

Alabama Shakes...Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
Red Rocks Amphitheater & Ecstatic Me

A little dream came true for me last night. The venue? Red Rocks Amphitheater. The bands? Alabama Shakes opening for Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros. The time of year? Perfect.

I enjoy both bands tremendously and was expecting a good show. Ended up getting a GREAT show. But the real dream come true was halfway through Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros set and they played lead singer Alex Ebert's solo hit "Truth". Aka, my favorite song everrrrr. It was unexpected (wasn't in any previous set lists I found?) and took a great night into the stratosphere for me.

I had always liked the song but it took on all new meaning when I faced the most physically challenging day of my life a few years ago - riding my mountain bike up John Brown Canyon. Oh and here's that little canyon now...miles and miles up, like this:

John Brown Canyon - named after the Mormon Pioneer whom I cursed ceaselessly

When I did that 215 mile ride with my hubs that summer, I was deep in a bout of fraud syndrome. Feeling I wasn't "enough" because I didn't meditate an hour every morning and night, wasn't skinny and flexy enough for popular taste and couldn't backbend it like Beckham. And this climb STUCK IT TO ME. I believe it was Pema Chodron who said something to the effect of "when life squeezes you, what comes out is what you're soaking in". And this climb was squeezing me and all that I'd been soaking in came out - FULL ON GUSHER. So after Jeff pedaled off to give me some space, I plugged in my headphones and listened to "Truth" by Alexander over and over and over and pedaled and pedaled and pedaled until I got up that bastard hill and fully understood that the only way to transcend your shadow is to see it as your teacher and OWN IT. 

The Truth is that I never shook my shadow
Every day it's trying to trick me into doing battle
Calling out "faker", only gets me rattled
Want to pull me back behind the fence with the cattle

Building your lenses
Digging your trenches
Put me on the front line
Leave me with a dumb mind
With no defenses
But your defenses
If you can't stand to feel the pain then you are senseless

Since this
I've grown up some
Different kind of fighter
And when the darkness come let it inside you
Your darkness is shining
My darkness is shining
Have faith in myself
TRUTH


If you love and value life, don't be afraid of any of it, even the darkness. 

Have faith in yourself. And Truth.

Alex Ebert singing Truth

Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros performing Truth at Red Rocks 6/2/13

And when the darkness come let it inside you

Your darkness is shining

My darkness is shining

Have faith in myself

TRUTH

SATYA

Take Refuge In Solitude

I don't get much time alone. Besides having a magnificent partner of almost 16 years, 2 active dogs and a fantastically fun brother living with us, I'm also a YOGA TEACHER. And, yeah, it's a very people-oriented job. I'm a communicator and a big fan of creating and sustaining community so it's natural that I'm constantly surrounded by great beings. I'm an extrovert by nature and if you are too, this post is for you...

This last weekend I had the rare opportunity to be completely ALONE. I had a room to myself, total quietude in the evening and even enjoyed a solo meal out, almost completely devoid of conversation and interaction. No texting to fill the space. Just me and my beer :) 

This brief time alone reminded me that there's a S P A C I O U S N E S S to solitude that is precious. Its in that space that the inner witness is most present, when we become acutely aware of the fluctuations of our minds, our patterns, our inner whispers....things that often slide "under the radar" because we're so busy interacting with others. This opportunity is always available to us in our meditation practice but I find there's something more potent about that space when you aren't burrowing away to create it, but rather experience it when you're out in the world, in the midst of the temptation to send energy out and interact.

I was so grateful for this unexpected reminder. I need ME space to continue to offer my best into the YOU and WE space as a friend, a partner, a sister, a daughter, a teacher. Create more opportunities for this quietude. Plan a getaway alone, whether it's for an hour or a weekend. People are big on juice fasting these days, why not take a silence fast for an hour, a day, a week? This solo time is essential for our personal evolution and where our greatest insights may arise. So rather than reflexively reaching out to see who wants to XYZ with you, consider doing it alone and you too may get a little closer to your Truth for the benefit of us all.

"I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude." 

~ Henry David Thoreau 

Jai Hanuman!! A Heroic Sequence For You!

Today is Hanuman Jayanti - Hanuman's birthday! I honor his spirit today with this fun little sequence I wrote especially for the Hanuman Festival here in Boulder. It's an enlivening practice to do with drumming music ~  Read it and leap!

http://www.yoganonymous.com/jai-hanuman-a-heroic-yoga-sequence-to-ignite-your-devotion/

Yoga Off The Mat - Practicing Extraordinary Consciousness

Happy Earth Day! I could list 1008 ways you can live more sustainably but I'm going to stick with a few that come up with great frequency and are VERY EASY to get rollin' with! 
1. Bring your own coffee mug! If you do forget it, at least don't take a plastic lid. 

2. Bring your own water bottle everywhere so you never need a plastic cup. I like glass bottles best. http://www.lifefactory.com/ or http://www.mybkr.com/

3. Bring bamboo utensils so you don't need to use "disposable" utensils when you take out. If you don't have a purse, the spork fits right in your pocket! http://www.to-goware.com/ http://www.bambuhome.com/

4. Just say no to plastic grocery bags every time. ChicoBags are easy to stuff into just about anything so you never forget. http://www.chicobag.com/

5. STOP USING DRINKING STRAWS! Totally unnecessary unless you have your jaw wired shut (then use bamboo or steel). When ordering a drink including water at a restaurant, be sure to say "no straw please" since many still give them out even if you don't ask for one.

I could give you all the eco-tips in the world but the very best way to change your relationship with our great Mother is to GET OUTSIDE and love her more!

Like A Bridge Over Troubled Water...

For everyone who is hurting, grieving and suffering, I woke up and experienced my body anew, with gratitude. I woke up up witnessed my life force, anew, with gratitude for it's presence again on a new morning. I practiced Tonglen meditation and took in their pain as deeply as I could bear so that I could transmute it within to compassion and gratitude. In honor of the fallen and the wounded, I commit anew to not squandering my life, not wallowing in regressive patterns, not taking a moment for granted. If you're with me, let your voice be HEARD.

When darkness comes
And pain is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

This is my favorite version of the iconic song by Simon & Garfunkel, Bridge Over Troubled Water, Live in 1969. Today, it heals.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYKJuDxYr3I

Do One Thing A Day That Scares You

I learned to snowboard on the mostly man-made white hills of Big Bear in Southern California. We had GREAT days up there but they pretty much never included powder. As a recent transplant to Colorado, now I've been blessed with a few opportunities to experience the elusive stuff. So this past weekend while my love was laid up with a bad cold, I ventured alone up into the high country for a bonafide SNOW DAY. Not those gorgeous marketing shots where it's just dumped a foot of pow but it's a brilliant sunny day, I'm talking a day where snow was actively falling and it was pretty much a white out, your neck gaiter is frozen solid and you're being continually pelted about the face with snow daggers.

Not this.

More like this.

And my companions are a threesome of expert level skiers. Like the kind that raced in college. I can hold my own but in an effort to dodge the tourist contingent, these pow hounds took me directly to the back bowls of Vail for some first tracks in powder. On a white out day. First run of the day was to a run called "Seldom", which, btw, is right next to "Never" which should tell you something about this area. On a snowboard I couldn't quite make the loooong ridge trail catwalk over to Seldom with them so I dropped in alone on a run called "Ricky's Ridge" as they disappeared into the distance. In a moment I was completely alone and couldn't see 2 feet in front of me. I'd never been on this run so don't know what it looks or feels like on a clear day. I'm up to my shins in heavy powder with a layer of ice beneath it and I mean I was ALONE. I couldn't see or hear a person in any direction. And each time I moved I felt like I was being magnetically pulled into a crevasse or something, I kept getting stuck and was making no progress. I wiped out badly twice and cleaned my clock both times. And then I started to get scared. Like skerrrrred that I wouldn't be able to get down to whatever the hell chairlift was down there. I caught my toeside edge, fell again and landed on my knees with my board buried deeply and still attached behind me. It's hard to feel any stupider than this. I couldn't flip over it backwards because of the snow, couldn't go sideways unless I no longer want use of my knees so my only option was to somersault forward, down the hill?!? Fuuuuck.

Right in the middle of it, I somehow remembered the Lululemon credo "Do Something Once A Day That Scares You". And that made me laugh out loud up there on Ricky's Ridge. I've always been a fan of that advice and try to teach it by example. But in that moment I realized, I must usually push up against that edge by doing things that I'm scared of looking stupid doing. Maybe I never actually get to the level of shit-my-pants-scared for my wellbeing! This observation kicked my yoga practice into gear and I recalled that fear is just an expression of energy and I could actually transmute that energy into something more productive if I could just assimilate it and stay on the board!!

So I fully acknowledged my fear by recognizing what it was doing to my physical body and observed how dramatic one's mind can be - to the point of absurdity. People go down this run every day of the season damnit!! So I pointed that nose down and knew if I just kept going down, whatever that looked like, I'd either find a chairlift and my friends or a nice family of bears hibernating for the winter who might make some space for me. And soon Ricky's spirit had mercy on me and I could see again and there I was barreling towards the chairlift with an apologetic smile and a juicy round of expletives.

Damn you, Ricky Andenmatten

I simultaneously hated and loved that experience. From one perspective, it was the kinda shameful blemish on an otherwise magnificent day. But from another perspective, it was the highlight of the day for giving me the chance to re-evaluate what I'm made of. The guru is everywhere y'all, when you're willing to receive the teaching.

Facing something that scares you everyday trains up your ability to have the grace to shift your perspective and transmute the immense power of fear into immense appreciation for life and all the opportunities it provides for us to learn, expand and evolve into extraordinary. Get out there and get skerred!!

PS- No pants were harmed nor shit in for the purposes of this blog post.

Speaking In Tongues

Mt. Vesuvius on FIYA

When I was in 5th grade, we learned about the ruins of Pompeii, just east of Naples, Italy, caused by a massive eruption of Mt. Vesuvius in AD 79. As our dear teacher went along, she kept referring to it as "Mt. VesuSius" (rhymes with Dr. Seuss-ius). Thankfully I could read and spell pretty well by 5th grade. So after about 10 times of hearing this "Mt. VesuSius", I raised my hand and asked, as politely as possible, if it was VesuSius or VesuVius like the book said?

Her infamous reply was: "VesuSius, VesuVius, either one is fine". Say wha? I know she was embarrassed but come on!! That answer has become a punchline for my entire family for 30 years now. Whenever we catch each other talking out our asses, we use that same line and subsequently erupt (pun intended) into raucous laughter.

I was reminded of this recently when I was in a yoga class with an enthusiastic teacher who was spouting out the Sanskrit names for poses with conviction and even repeated them multiple times. The only trouble was, at least half of the names the teacher was using were wrong. And I don't mean the name differences between styles or variations between schools, I mean either butchering the correct name so it was mostly nonsense or using the wrong, but somewhat similar, asana name altogether.

Let me interject here that I am not a Sanskrit scholar nor am I fluent in Sanskrit. But when it comes to asana names and the glossary of words related to Hatha and Tantra Yoga, I feel like I can hold my own. I have put in my time. Enough to at least know the difference between parsvakonasana and parsvottanasana.

I applaud this teacher's effort because at minimum using the Sanskrit names for the asanas is an ode to our roots, a showing of respect, if you will, to those teachers and rishis who developed and evolved this practice. Beyond that, the word "Sanskrit" means  “refined” or “sanctified” and each word or syllable has an essential energy. The sounds themselves are thought to be transmitting mystical, divine qualities. Mantras, for example, are sacred sounds or syllables chanted repeatedly to tap into their energetic signature. And some asanas are named for sages and revered beings whose energy is inherent in the shape itself.

Buuut...as teachers I think somewhere along the way there's got to be a "come to Vishnu moment" where you ask yourself - are linguistics your strength? Were you quite comfortable in high school Spanish or French? And, why do YOU think it's important to use the Sanskrit names? If foreign languages are not one of your fortes and you're maybe just trying to use the Sanskrit names so you sound more knowledgable and deep - drop it now while you're still ahead and either commit to learning the correct names (at least in your own lineage), correct pronunciation and begin to develop an experiential relationship with the words OR just relax into your strengths and speak English!

Some would agree that it's important to preserve the embedded energetics of the Sanskrit asana names while others would say using Sanskrit is divisive. I must admit when I first began practicing, I went to an Ashtanga class and not only did the teacher use only Sanskrit names but the students were expected to say the names along with him. I'll admit, I did feel a bit marginalized because there was no attempt to help me understand or join in. Don't ask, just do! So, most of the asanas I tried that day were prefaced with a whispered "watermelonasana". But, I think the answer is, if you're going to use Sanskrit, especially in beginner level classes, use it as an opportunity to teach, since that's pretty much what you're there for! Use Sanskrit and English - and when there is no English (ie: Visvamitrasana), use it as an opportunity to teach who Visvamitra was! When your students hear the words together over and over again, gradually they begin to learn and the Sanskrit words take on meaning without the English translation.

If its important to you, practice svadhyaya, "self-study", and take advantage of ample online resources to help you learn better pronunciation, the meanings of the root words and the stories behind the asanas. Make flashcards, practice with a friend, record yourself! And if you live in a community where there are opportunities to learn in person, even better! 

We wouldn't think it ok for a teacher to say, "Inhale, reach both farms up" so maybe "Inhale, lift up into Purvokonasana" shouldn't be ok either?

"Inhale, reach both farms up..."

Vesusius, Vesuvius...Hanumanasana, Hamanamasana...no, dear teacher, either one isn't fine!


RESOURCES FOR YOUR LEARNING PLEASURE

American Sanskrit Institute - Vyaas Houston

Sanskrit Studies - Manorama

Sanskrit Sounds - Nicholai Bachman

Online Sanskrit Pronunciation Guide - Tilak Pyle

Yoga Flash Cards - Yoga Blossom